It was two weeks ago, today, that I had the MRI. In approximately 2 weeks, Tex and I will learn the results.
You know? . . .
. . . For the vast majority of the time, I've been pretty peaceful and calm about the whole thing. I know the source of such Peace and Calm. It comes directly from Our Lord; it's HIS Peace and HIS Calm. And thank You, Jesus, for that very precious gift.
Two weeks ago, I also decided that I was going to go on the premise that "no news is good news". I'm guessing that if there was something of significant and immediate importance, that one of my doctor's colleagues would contact me, without waiting for my doctor to come back to work (to remind y'all, she's out of the office for the month of September; hence the reason for waiting so long to get the results of the MRI).
This particular mindset has been working well for me. Periodically (but also infrequently), a "what if" will squirm its way into my grey matter and whisper to me, "What if there is something wrong even though no one calls you before your appointment?"
"What ifs" generally are not very productive; at least not in scenarios such as these. So I flit it away with a wave of my hand and then come back to focusing on the present. I'll find out the results when I find out . . . and it will be at that time that I'll deal with the facts; whether they bring good news or whether they bring challenges.
In the meantime, please know that I very much appreciate those of y'all who have shown support and given me encouragement during these past couple of weeks! Thank you!
*~*~*~*~*
In other (but related) news, y'all may remember that I mentioned a plan that I had put into place. Part of that plan is following the GARD eating program. GARD = "Glutamate-Aspartate Restricted Diet". It also has come to stand for "Gut Absorption Recovery Diet". It's a healing eating plan designed specifically for those of us who have seizures. Y'all can read more about it by clicking HERE.
Nutshelling it down, it's an eating program that restricts Soy, Corn, Casein and Gluten. The soy was a no-brainer. I've known for many years now that soy is a seizure trigger (additionally, it's also a neuro toxin in other ways, and it's also carcinogenic). The corn was pretty easy as well; I'm not really a corn eater (although I did very much enjoy making my annual cast-iron skillet cornbread every time a new year rolled around).
The casein? Well, I've never really been a milk drinker, but boy did I love my cheeses! And, yogurt. Plain yogurt; not that stuff that is ladened with corn syrup in the guise of fruit. And ice cream. Real ice cream without all the chemicals and toxins. And butter. Real butter. Real, unsalted butter. Fortunately, butter is actually "allowed" because the casein content is so low, it's negligible.
An interesting side note: as some of y'all may know, goat dairy products have a much smaller casein content than that of their bovine cousins. This means that I might still be able to occasionally indulge in cheeses; I'm still researching this (from the angle of seizure triggers). And, one day, I'm going to make ice cream from coconut milk; I've been telling myself this for several months, so perhaps this new way of eating will be the catalyst for that.
The gluten? Gluten is probably the most complicated aspect of this particular eating journey that I have embarked upon. Gluten is in myriad foods - from various grains, to some nuts & seeds, to even dried beans. Even meats contain gluten (albeit in small amounts). That's probably been the most significant change; restricting gluten from what I eat.
Ironically, grain-wise, I really don't eat much bread unless I make it myself (most commercially-prepared bread has soy in it in at least one form, sometimes more - along with other ingredients that I do not like to consume; i.e., corn syrup and unpronounceable chemical words). But, pasta is a completely different story. Tex loves pasta . . . and if I'm honest, so did I. :)
So. I've been following the GARD way of eating for 25 days now. And, while I don't believe there are any GARD-specific cookbooks out on the market (yet), I have purchased a couple of cookbooks that deal with one or two aspects of GARD (even though that wasn't the focus of the books). I ignore (or modify) the recipes that contain soy, corn, casein and/or gluten, and I focus on the recipes that are GARD-friendly. I've also found a pretty neat blog that, for the most part, has recipes that I can use (or adapt) for this new lifestyle. It's still a fairly new blog to me; so I'm going to give it some more time to "test it out" so-to-speak before I provide a link to it, here in "Swirlings".
Are ya wondering what I actually do eat? Great question! :) Basically, I eat fresh produce (both fruits and veggies - including potatoes), meat (from a variety of creatures), rice and eggs. Oh, and herbs and clean spices, too - I love my herbs and spices!
I consider it a huge blessing that I have 26+ years of food research and label-reading behind me. It has made the transition to GARD pretty easy. Before implementing GARD, I already did not eat the very vast majority of packaged foods, I avoided soy and lab-created chemicals pretty-much across the board; and for the past 2.5 decades, I have truly loved to cook real and healthy food, from scratch.
*~*~*~*~*
So, there you have it; an update of sorts, while I count down to October 2nd. Again, my thanks to those of y'all who have checked up on me and offered their encouragements. I love my friends!
And remember . . .
If you pray, why worry?
If you worry, why pray?
Thanks for reading! Y'all be blessed,
Sharmie
p.s. Anyone else find it amusing that I'm following an eating plan designed by a veterinarian? I personally find it pricelss in a very weird and wonderful way! :)
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Driving School 101
Most people (hopefully) know that they are supposed to stop at a stop sign.
And. When the stop sign is at the exit lane of a school, that is even more significant.
Oh. Also, most people know that the roads surrounding schools have a slower speed limit; especially so when traveling on school property.
As I was walking Lizzee this morning, I was crossing the entrance / exit lanes to a school. I was already half-way across when a SUV-driving mom came zooooooming down the exit lane . . . when she reached the stop sign, she looked at me, looked at the stop sign and then breezed on through, without even stopping. Lizzee and I were just mere feet from DoodleHead Mom.
I was not impressed.
I truly consider it Our Lord's Protection that we had not walked further than we had when this woman came careening down the exit lane.
I'm pretty sure I would not appreciate being hit by a car just because someone is in a hurry and believes that she is exempt from obeying traffic laws . . . but please don't make matters worse and hit my dog! Additionally, given the amount of kids that walk to this school, it would be horrendous if one of them was hit by a car simply because the driver was in too big of a hurry and couldn't be bothered with stopping at a stop sign.
(Tomorrow, I'm going to have my phone's camera ready to snap photos; and if I encounter her and she's driving the same way she drove today, I'm going to take a picture of her license plate so I can share it with our local police. Perhaps they can encourage her to drive more responsibly).
Consider this a PEA. Hey; whaddya know?! Two PEAs in a row; one today and one yesterday.
I must be feeling bossy. No, wait. Not bossy . . . I'm tapping into my inner educator. Yep, that's it.
After all, it's a PEA, not a PBA. Ha!
*~*~*~*~*
And, of course, today being 9/11, I'm sure most people's thoughts are on the events that took place 12 years ago. May Our Lord bless and comfort all of the families who lost loved ones during those horrible events of that day.
Thanks for reading y'all!
Be safe,
Sharmie
And. When the stop sign is at the exit lane of a school, that is even more significant.
Oh. Also, most people know that the roads surrounding schools have a slower speed limit; especially so when traveling on school property.
As I was walking Lizzee this morning, I was crossing the entrance / exit lanes to a school. I was already half-way across when a SUV-driving mom came zooooooming down the exit lane . . . when she reached the stop sign, she looked at me, looked at the stop sign and then breezed on through, without even stopping. Lizzee and I were just mere feet from DoodleHead Mom.
I was not impressed.
I truly consider it Our Lord's Protection that we had not walked further than we had when this woman came careening down the exit lane.
I'm pretty sure I would not appreciate being hit by a car just because someone is in a hurry and believes that she is exempt from obeying traffic laws . . . but please don't make matters worse and hit my dog! Additionally, given the amount of kids that walk to this school, it would be horrendous if one of them was hit by a car simply because the driver was in too big of a hurry and couldn't be bothered with stopping at a stop sign.
(Tomorrow, I'm going to have my phone's camera ready to snap photos; and if I encounter her and she's driving the same way she drove today, I'm going to take a picture of her license plate so I can share it with our local police. Perhaps they can encourage her to drive more responsibly).
Consider this a PEA. Hey; whaddya know?! Two PEAs in a row; one today and one yesterday.
I must be feeling bossy. No, wait. Not bossy . . . I'm tapping into my inner educator. Yep, that's it.
After all, it's a PEA, not a PBA. Ha!
*~*~*~*~*
And, of course, today being 9/11, I'm sure most people's thoughts are on the events that took place 12 years ago. May Our Lord bless and comfort all of the families who lost loved ones during those horrible events of that day.
Thanks for reading y'all!
Be safe,
Sharmie
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Observations on Customer Service
As I mentioned yesterday, I'm sure I'll be writing more about seizures and other applicable neurological topics, but today's post is taking a different path.
*~*~*~*~*
Tex and I went to a Home and Garden Show over the weekend. For the vast majority of our time, we really enjoyed ourselves. We got ideas for future projects, chatted with different people and gave our legs some walking exercise.
There were two very glaring exceptions. Both of these involved our stopping at booths to look at products. In the first instance, the man approached us and asked if we wanted to buy such and such. After Tex responded that we were just looking, the man immediately and angrily walked away. Then, less that 3 feet from me, he told his co-worker - in words loud enough for me to hear, "Man, this day sucks. Nobody's buying anything."
Hmmm . . .
The next exception to our wonderous stroll through the marketplace was somewhat similar, yet different at the same time. I had stopped to look at a product that Tex and I have discussed purchasing sometime down the road - you know when it fits our budget priorities a bit better. The man working the booth came up to me and asked if I was interested in making a purchase. My response was, "Well, not today," and before I could even draw breath again to finish my sentence, the representative huffed and then walked away from me. The rest of my sentence, "but this is something that we want to purchase in the future, and I have some questions to ask you" was left to swirl silently inside my thinker.
At that point, both of these booths that we had stopped at were among the very first ones, and I was beginning to think that the entire show was going to be filled with rude and impatient sales people. Fortunately (and for the most part), that proved to not be the case.
But.
Let's examine both of the above examples, shall we? You agree? So do I! Great minds - you and me. :)
I'm sure that Tex and I were not the only people strolling around Market Hall last weekend who had not planned on making major purchases while attending the Home and Garden Show. Many people go to these types of events to gain information and to tuck business cards and brochures away for when they're ready to buy whatever it is that caught their attention at the show.
A good salesman will know this. Sometimes the sale doesn't happen immediately. Getting angry about it, walking away and then complaining to a co-worker within ear shot of potential customers is probably not the best way to make that customer their customer.
Tagging onto that, dismissing such a potential customer when they are in the middle of a sentence and thus shutting out any opportunity for the customer to ask questions about a product that they are genuinely interested in doesn't seem to be such an award-winning idea, neither.
*~*~*~*~*
On the other hand, we had lovely conversations with the gregarious lady at Angie's List (who took a photo of Tex and me while I was wearing her very funky glasses and who also introduced me to Alegria shoes because I fell in love with her "Hippie Chic" Palomas), the friendly man at Cutco, the very entertaining man at VitaMix (who nicely listened to me ask about purchasing a dry container replacement and then cleverly incorporated my question into a public sales pitch), the great guys selling the trampoline, the man who let me ride his demo C.A.T. Scooter (oh man - fun - especially, when standing up!), the man who wittily intrigued us via remote control (as we were walking by) with his roof that resembles (and functions as) flat horizontal blinds, the very informative guys who were showcasing the slide-out cabinets, the nice flooring guy and last but not least, the very busy-yet-cheerful lady at the Sleep Number booth.
The majority of the 2+ hours that we spent at the Home & Garden Show was dispersed among the businesses I've mentioned above. Yet, out of all that time and all those booths, we spent a whopping $11 (in addition to the admission tickets). For the ultra curious, the $11 was for the sign-up fee for Angie's List.
All of the other booths mentioned above? They didn't make one red cent off of Tex and me this past weekend. But. They were so friendly and engaging and they made sure they answered our questions thoroughly and accurately. That's the type of people that we do business with. That's the type of people that we'll remember when it comes time to make future purchases.
*~*~*~*~*
One more example; simply because I've encountered this scenario more than once and I know of at least one other person, offline, as well.
A few weeks ago, Tex and I went to a birthday party that we had been invited to attend. The party was held at one of the local steak restaurants. The salmon listed on the menu intrigued me; and when it came my time to order, I asked the waitress if the salmon was marinated in soy (as many of y'all know, I don't do soy; it's a seizure trigger . . . and for those who yearn to learn, it's also a toxin pretty-much across the board). When the waitress responded that the salmon was marinated in soy, I simply said, "Oh, never mind; I don't want that," and started to go on and order my "second choice". Instead of accepting that I would know what I wanted (and did not want) to order, the waitress said, "Oh, but it's only a litte bit. Trust me, you're going to love the salmon." Without boring you with more of who said what, I'll tell you that I tried 2 more times to gently let her know that I didn't want the salmon, but she wouldn't listen to me and she kept trying to push the salmon. Maybe it's her favorite dish at that restaurant. Maybe her long-lost cousin from her mother's stepbrother's daughter's grandfather's side of the family was the salmon culinarian for that particular eating house. Who knows? But man, she was pushing that fish dish! I finally had to very firmly tell her that I was not going to order the salmon.
I love wait staff and I always try to interact with them and let them know that I'm a friendly sort.
I'd also like to take this moment, however, to suggest that if someone doesn't want to order a particular dish, then that should be that - without argument or efforts of persuasion; especially if the reason is because of a specific ingredient. It's a food allergy world we live in today; and some allergies are much more dangerous than others. One of my family members has a very serious milk allergy and even touching milk products (including) butter can sometimes cause a reaction severe enough to require a trip to the hospital. Yet, time after time, when she has inquired about whether a particular menu item contained milk (and after telling them she has a milk allergy), the response she often gets is "Well, it's only a little bit." Well, in her case, "only a little bit" could prove to be quite harmful.
Additionally. Even if the reson for not ordering something is not allergy-related, it's really none of the server's business to question or to argue the decision. There ya go.
*~*~*~*~*
I don't want to end this post on a negative note . . . and in reality, the intent of this entire post is not meant to be negative, but rather educational. I haven't done a PEA (Public Education Announcement) in a while; let's consider this particular post to be one of those.
My first thought, in bringing this blog post back to a positive outlook, was to list all of the above-mentioned friendly businesses' representatives and their contact information. That may or may not be a good idea seeing as how I haven't asked their permissons to do such. But! I don't think there's any harm in at least re-listing the business themselves. I encourage y'all to patronize these companies . . .
. . . Except, I wouldn't recommend that you play with your Cutco knives while riding on your C.A.T. Scooter; and remember, reserve the jumping for your SpringFree trampoline; not your Sleep Number bed. There ya go. :)
- Angie's List ("We're relentless when it comes to providing trusted reviews.")
- Cutco ("The World's Finest Cutlery)
- Equinox Louvered Roof ("Take Control of your Outdoor Living Space")
- Furniture "N" Floors, Inc.
- RBB Scooters (C.A.T. / Compact Adult Tricycles)
- ShelfGenie ("Designed to Transform")
- Sleep Number ("The only bed that knows you.")
- SpringFree Trampoline ("The World's Safest Trampoline")
- VitaMix ("Superior Nutrition in Every Blend")
Thanks for reading; happy shopping!
Y'all be blessed,
Sharmie
Please note that the parenthetical quotes listed next to each business were taken directly from the printed business cards or brochures supplied to us. There. I trust that I have sufficiently and legally covered my, uhm, posterior in case anyone disagrees with any of the quoted phrases.
*~*~*~*~*
Tex and I went to a Home and Garden Show over the weekend. For the vast majority of our time, we really enjoyed ourselves. We got ideas for future projects, chatted with different people and gave our legs some walking exercise.
There were two very glaring exceptions. Both of these involved our stopping at booths to look at products. In the first instance, the man approached us and asked if we wanted to buy such and such. After Tex responded that we were just looking, the man immediately and angrily walked away. Then, less that 3 feet from me, he told his co-worker - in words loud enough for me to hear, "Man, this day sucks. Nobody's buying anything."
Hmmm . . .
The next exception to our wonderous stroll through the marketplace was somewhat similar, yet different at the same time. I had stopped to look at a product that Tex and I have discussed purchasing sometime down the road - you know when it fits our budget priorities a bit better. The man working the booth came up to me and asked if I was interested in making a purchase. My response was, "Well, not today," and before I could even draw breath again to finish my sentence, the representative huffed and then walked away from me. The rest of my sentence, "but this is something that we want to purchase in the future, and I have some questions to ask you" was left to swirl silently inside my thinker.
At that point, both of these booths that we had stopped at were among the very first ones, and I was beginning to think that the entire show was going to be filled with rude and impatient sales people. Fortunately (and for the most part), that proved to not be the case.
But.
Let's examine both of the above examples, shall we? You agree? So do I! Great minds - you and me. :)
I'm sure that Tex and I were not the only people strolling around Market Hall last weekend who had not planned on making major purchases while attending the Home and Garden Show. Many people go to these types of events to gain information and to tuck business cards and brochures away for when they're ready to buy whatever it is that caught their attention at the show.
A good salesman will know this. Sometimes the sale doesn't happen immediately. Getting angry about it, walking away and then complaining to a co-worker within ear shot of potential customers is probably not the best way to make that customer their customer.
Tagging onto that, dismissing such a potential customer when they are in the middle of a sentence and thus shutting out any opportunity for the customer to ask questions about a product that they are genuinely interested in doesn't seem to be such an award-winning idea, neither.
*~*~*~*~*
On the other hand, we had lovely conversations with the gregarious lady at Angie's List (who took a photo of Tex and me while I was wearing her very funky glasses and who also introduced me to Alegria shoes because I fell in love with her "Hippie Chic" Palomas), the friendly man at Cutco, the very entertaining man at VitaMix (who nicely listened to me ask about purchasing a dry container replacement and then cleverly incorporated my question into a public sales pitch), the great guys selling the trampoline, the man who let me ride his demo C.A.T. Scooter (oh man - fun - especially, when standing up!), the man who wittily intrigued us via remote control (as we were walking by) with his roof that resembles (and functions as) flat horizontal blinds, the very informative guys who were showcasing the slide-out cabinets, the nice flooring guy and last but not least, the very busy-yet-cheerful lady at the Sleep Number booth.
The majority of the 2+ hours that we spent at the Home & Garden Show was dispersed among the businesses I've mentioned above. Yet, out of all that time and all those booths, we spent a whopping $11 (in addition to the admission tickets). For the ultra curious, the $11 was for the sign-up fee for Angie's List.
All of the other booths mentioned above? They didn't make one red cent off of Tex and me this past weekend. But. They were so friendly and engaging and they made sure they answered our questions thoroughly and accurately. That's the type of people that we do business with. That's the type of people that we'll remember when it comes time to make future purchases.
*~*~*~*~*
One more example; simply because I've encountered this scenario more than once and I know of at least one other person, offline, as well.
A few weeks ago, Tex and I went to a birthday party that we had been invited to attend. The party was held at one of the local steak restaurants. The salmon listed on the menu intrigued me; and when it came my time to order, I asked the waitress if the salmon was marinated in soy (as many of y'all know, I don't do soy; it's a seizure trigger . . . and for those who yearn to learn, it's also a toxin pretty-much across the board). When the waitress responded that the salmon was marinated in soy, I simply said, "Oh, never mind; I don't want that," and started to go on and order my "second choice". Instead of accepting that I would know what I wanted (and did not want) to order, the waitress said, "Oh, but it's only a litte bit. Trust me, you're going to love the salmon." Without boring you with more of who said what, I'll tell you that I tried 2 more times to gently let her know that I didn't want the salmon, but she wouldn't listen to me and she kept trying to push the salmon. Maybe it's her favorite dish at that restaurant. Maybe her long-lost cousin from her mother's stepbrother's daughter's grandfather's side of the family was the salmon culinarian for that particular eating house. Who knows? But man, she was pushing that fish dish! I finally had to very firmly tell her that I was not going to order the salmon.
I love wait staff and I always try to interact with them and let them know that I'm a friendly sort.
I'd also like to take this moment, however, to suggest that if someone doesn't want to order a particular dish, then that should be that - without argument or efforts of persuasion; especially if the reason is because of a specific ingredient. It's a food allergy world we live in today; and some allergies are much more dangerous than others. One of my family members has a very serious milk allergy and even touching milk products (including) butter can sometimes cause a reaction severe enough to require a trip to the hospital. Yet, time after time, when she has inquired about whether a particular menu item contained milk (and after telling them she has a milk allergy), the response she often gets is "Well, it's only a little bit." Well, in her case, "only a little bit" could prove to be quite harmful.
Additionally. Even if the reson for not ordering something is not allergy-related, it's really none of the server's business to question or to argue the decision. There ya go.
*~*~*~*~*
I don't want to end this post on a negative note . . . and in reality, the intent of this entire post is not meant to be negative, but rather educational. I haven't done a PEA (Public Education Announcement) in a while; let's consider this particular post to be one of those.
My first thought, in bringing this blog post back to a positive outlook, was to list all of the above-mentioned friendly businesses' representatives and their contact information. That may or may not be a good idea seeing as how I haven't asked their permissons to do such. But! I don't think there's any harm in at least re-listing the business themselves. I encourage y'all to patronize these companies . . .
. . . Except, I wouldn't recommend that you play with your Cutco knives while riding on your C.A.T. Scooter; and remember, reserve the jumping for your SpringFree trampoline; not your Sleep Number bed. There ya go. :)
- Angie's List ("We're relentless when it comes to providing trusted reviews.")
- Cutco ("The World's Finest Cutlery)
- Equinox Louvered Roof ("Take Control of your Outdoor Living Space")
- Furniture "N" Floors, Inc.
- RBB Scooters (C.A.T. / Compact Adult Tricycles)
- ShelfGenie ("Designed to Transform")
- Sleep Number ("The only bed that knows you.")
- SpringFree Trampoline ("The World's Safest Trampoline")
- VitaMix ("Superior Nutrition in Every Blend")
Thanks for reading; happy shopping!
Y'all be blessed,
Sharmie
Please note that the parenthetical quotes listed next to each business were taken directly from the printed business cards or brochures supplied to us. There. I trust that I have sufficiently and legally covered my, uhm, posterior in case anyone disagrees with any of the quoted phrases.
Monday, September 9, 2013
What - Do You Have Rocks in Your Head or Something?
Raise your hand if you've heard that before; either in statement or question form and either directed at you or someone else.
It's a phrase that's been around for a while; at least a few or more decades, doncha know.
And to answer the question: actually - yes, I do; except only one . . .
:)
Going back to July when I had to take a trip to the ER because of sustaining some injuries during a seizure . . . the CT scan they performed showed a a small tumor on my brain. The specific type of this illustrious visitor is called a meningioma.
The cool thing about meningiomas is that they are slow growing and are usually benign.
Now. The cool thing about the meningioma that has claimed my cerebral area as its residence is that it is calcified (the tumor; not my brain - let's be very clear on this, y'all Ha!). A calcified tumor means that it's been there a while and it's not going to grow in size. Not growing in size is definitely good news.
The ER suggested that I visit a neurologist for further consultation. After finally getting to the place where I was able to even consider this, I made the appointment, and then Tex and I went to it together.
Pre-appointment, I figured the doctor would want to order an MRI. I figured correctly.
The MRI was performed last week, and we will learn the results on October 2nd. The reason why we need to wait so long is because my doctor is out of the office during the month of September. However, I am choosing to go on the premise that "no news is good news". I'm also guessing that if something of significant impact were to show up on the MRI, that one of my doctor's colleagues would surely immediately call me. Hence, no news is good news.
In the meantime, I'll go on with life and try not to get wrapped up into "what ifs".
*~*~*~*~*
Speaking of what-ifs . . . I'm not so much concerned about the tumor. It's calcified (hence, having a rock in my head - LOL) and it's not going to grow. It probably is also benign.
But.
And, to seque for just a bit . . . through personal experience, I've known for some time that a seizure can affect one's short-term memory. Specific to me, a seizure absolutely does affect my short-term memory for a day or two preceeding and following a seizure. Boiling that down even more and providing a real example, there's a good chance that if I meet someone during that time frame, then the next time we meet, I'm probably not going to even remember that I met such a person. It won't be a case of simply forgetting their name; it will be as if we've never met; at least for me. My apologies to y'all in advance in case this ever happens to you; it certainly isn't intentional. There are other examples of short-term memory loss that I've experienced, but let's stick to just one for now.
Going back to the "but" (the conjunction, not one's derriere) . . .
. . .What knocked me off my feet for a few days after my appointment with the neurologist is what I learned about long-term seizure histories. Basically, the more seizures one has and the longer period of time that one has a seizure history, the greater the risk of pervavise comprehension and cognition loss / decline; not just short-term memory loss surrounding specific seizure events.
I was not at all prepared to hear this.
If you know me, then you probably know that I have been researching food, health and nutrition since 1987. You also might know that the first seizure occurred about 6 months into the beginning of my endeavoring to live a healthy life and that is then when I also started slanting my research to include combating seizures without pharmeceuticals. You probably also know how so very much I avoid anti-seizure drugs. I arrived at this stance not only by doing research but also and most importantly through my own experience with several different anti-seizure pharms. None of the drugs I was prescribed ever controlled the seizures; and more importantly, the side effects were horrendous, with a couple of such side affects being completely intolerable for me.
One such unacceptable side effect was that of losing my comprehension skills while on the drugs. This was in the early 90s, and I don't know if I can ever convey to anyone how completely daunting that was for me.
So. The drugs were not controlling the seizures and the side effects were appalling. That's when I decided that anti-seizure drugs were not for me.
And if you know me, you probably also know that I'm anti-pharmeceutical pretty-much clear across the board (not just regarding seizure drugs) . . . I don't even take OTC pain relievers, nor do I even use "seemingly innocent" products that have drug warnings on their labels. I'm certainly not proclaiming that everyone follow suit; but for me, I'm just not into taking drugs of any kind.
But . . . I suddenly found myself between a rock and a hard place a couple of weeks ago, while sitting in the doctor's office. Taking anti-seizure drugs can affect one's ability to think and comprehend. However, long-term seizure histories can do the very same thing. Twenty-six years seems a bit long-term to me, and I won't even try to guess how many seizures I've had during that time (I didn't start logging them until a few years ago).
But. All is not lost. :) I've got a quasi plan in place and have discussed it with Tex. He is in agreement with me on it; and that is so very wonderful. Of course it all depends on what we learn about the MRI in a few weeks; but going on the presumption that nothing else (other than the calcified tumor) is wrong inside my grey matter, I do have a plan; one that I actually implemented about 2.5 weeks ago.
That's about all for now. I'm sure I'll be writing more about all of this; but for now this seems like a good stopping place.
Am I nervous about this (whatever all this entails)? Yes, I am.
BUT. I also know that none of this came as a surprise to Our Lord, and that He already was covering all of this before I ever knew about it. I know that to be Truth.
I don't know where this journey is going to take me, but I do know two immutable facts: (1) God is going to be with me on this journey - every step of the way. (2) And, so is Tex.
What more could a girl want?
:)
Thanks for reading; y'all be blessed!
HIS Peace & HIS Joy,
Sharmie
It's a phrase that's been around for a while; at least a few or more decades, doncha know.
And to answer the question: actually - yes, I do; except only one . . .
:)
Going back to July when I had to take a trip to the ER because of sustaining some injuries during a seizure . . . the CT scan they performed showed a a small tumor on my brain. The specific type of this illustrious visitor is called a meningioma.
The cool thing about meningiomas is that they are slow growing and are usually benign.
Now. The cool thing about the meningioma that has claimed my cerebral area as its residence is that it is calcified (the tumor; not my brain - let's be very clear on this, y'all Ha!). A calcified tumor means that it's been there a while and it's not going to grow in size. Not growing in size is definitely good news.
The ER suggested that I visit a neurologist for further consultation. After finally getting to the place where I was able to even consider this, I made the appointment, and then Tex and I went to it together.
Pre-appointment, I figured the doctor would want to order an MRI. I figured correctly.
The MRI was performed last week, and we will learn the results on October 2nd. The reason why we need to wait so long is because my doctor is out of the office during the month of September. However, I am choosing to go on the premise that "no news is good news". I'm also guessing that if something of significant impact were to show up on the MRI, that one of my doctor's colleagues would surely immediately call me. Hence, no news is good news.
In the meantime, I'll go on with life and try not to get wrapped up into "what ifs".
*~*~*~*~*
Speaking of what-ifs . . . I'm not so much concerned about the tumor. It's calcified (hence, having a rock in my head - LOL) and it's not going to grow. It probably is also benign.
But.
And, to seque for just a bit . . . through personal experience, I've known for some time that a seizure can affect one's short-term memory. Specific to me, a seizure absolutely does affect my short-term memory for a day or two preceeding and following a seizure. Boiling that down even more and providing a real example, there's a good chance that if I meet someone during that time frame, then the next time we meet, I'm probably not going to even remember that I met such a person. It won't be a case of simply forgetting their name; it will be as if we've never met; at least for me. My apologies to y'all in advance in case this ever happens to you; it certainly isn't intentional. There are other examples of short-term memory loss that I've experienced, but let's stick to just one for now.
Going back to the "but" (the conjunction, not one's derriere) . . .
. . .What knocked me off my feet for a few days after my appointment with the neurologist is what I learned about long-term seizure histories. Basically, the more seizures one has and the longer period of time that one has a seizure history, the greater the risk of pervavise comprehension and cognition loss / decline; not just short-term memory loss surrounding specific seizure events.
I was not at all prepared to hear this.
If you know me, then you probably know that I have been researching food, health and nutrition since 1987. You also might know that the first seizure occurred about 6 months into the beginning of my endeavoring to live a healthy life and that is then when I also started slanting my research to include combating seizures without pharmeceuticals. You probably also know how so very much I avoid anti-seizure drugs. I arrived at this stance not only by doing research but also and most importantly through my own experience with several different anti-seizure pharms. None of the drugs I was prescribed ever controlled the seizures; and more importantly, the side effects were horrendous, with a couple of such side affects being completely intolerable for me.
One such unacceptable side effect was that of losing my comprehension skills while on the drugs. This was in the early 90s, and I don't know if I can ever convey to anyone how completely daunting that was for me.
So. The drugs were not controlling the seizures and the side effects were appalling. That's when I decided that anti-seizure drugs were not for me.
And if you know me, you probably also know that I'm anti-pharmeceutical pretty-much clear across the board (not just regarding seizure drugs) . . . I don't even take OTC pain relievers, nor do I even use "seemingly innocent" products that have drug warnings on their labels. I'm certainly not proclaiming that everyone follow suit; but for me, I'm just not into taking drugs of any kind.
But . . . I suddenly found myself between a rock and a hard place a couple of weeks ago, while sitting in the doctor's office. Taking anti-seizure drugs can affect one's ability to think and comprehend. However, long-term seizure histories can do the very same thing. Twenty-six years seems a bit long-term to me, and I won't even try to guess how many seizures I've had during that time (I didn't start logging them until a few years ago).
But. All is not lost. :) I've got a quasi plan in place and have discussed it with Tex. He is in agreement with me on it; and that is so very wonderful. Of course it all depends on what we learn about the MRI in a few weeks; but going on the presumption that nothing else (other than the calcified tumor) is wrong inside my grey matter, I do have a plan; one that I actually implemented about 2.5 weeks ago.
That's about all for now. I'm sure I'll be writing more about all of this; but for now this seems like a good stopping place.
Am I nervous about this (whatever all this entails)? Yes, I am.
BUT. I also know that none of this came as a surprise to Our Lord, and that He already was covering all of this before I ever knew about it. I know that to be Truth.
I don't know where this journey is going to take me, but I do know two immutable facts: (1) God is going to be with me on this journey - every step of the way. (2) And, so is Tex.
What more could a girl want?
:)
Thanks for reading; y'all be blessed!
HIS Peace & HIS Joy,
Sharmie
Friday, July 26, 2013
Me, Myself . . . and Seizures (Part 2)
From Part 1:
"My next blog entry will deal specifically with how people have responded to me, seizure-wise . . . and likewise, my general, thoughts, feelings and outlooks to such responses. My hope is that I will be able to educate, explain and even encourage."
Click here to read Part 1.
*~*~*~*~*
The first thing that I want to mention in this particular blog post is that I know that the majority of people have my welfare at heart at regarding things they say to me about seizures. I *know* this.
Having said that . . .
:)
. . . I would like to address a few things that have come up over the years; things that people have asked, suggested or said regarding me and seizures.
Please and thank you.
:)
And, while these are my own personal thoughts regarding my own life, perhaps they will also resonate with someone else who has had similar experiences with seizures.
*~*~*~*~*
Most people who know me already know that I am a bit anti-pharmeceutical. "A bit" is actually more than an under-statement . . . I do not even take OTC drugs; not even aspirins and other similar type pills.
I am especially anti-pharmeceutical regarding anti-seizure drugs. Occasionally, this has proven to be quite baffling to various people in my life; even after I explain my reasonings. Simply put, in the past, I have tried *many* anti-seizure drugs, and the results were not at all satisfactory; and sometimes, such results were even completely unacceptable. Since I am the one who is going to have to experience the "side effects" *along with* the inefficacy of an anti-seizure drug, I figure I'm also the one who gets to decide whether or not I take such illustrious drug. So . . . if you disagree with me on this stance, please do not treat me condescendingly because of it and please do not roll your eyes at me, scold me, criticize me or do anything else that will convey to me your disapproval regarding this very personal decision.
Case in point: The lady that was asking me intake questions and taking my vitals at the ER the other day did this very thing. She actually pulled a Dr. Phil on me; and let me tell y'all, dear friends, it was not appreciated - not at all. After telling her that I had fallen because of a seizure, she then asked me which anti-seizure drug(s) I was currently taking. When I answered that I wasn't taking any of them, she looked me up and down, stared at my injured face and then said, "And, how's that working for you?" With the exception of that one instance, she was actually a very nice person. But. This very nice person didn't know me from Eve. She didn't know my case history regarding seizures and she certainly didn't know of my research or my personal experience with anti-seizure pharms. Nor did she know how very rare it is for me to incur an injury during a seizure (I can count on one hand, with digits to spare, the number of times I have seriously hurt myself because of a seizure).
I'd like to encourage y'all to remember this example. So often it's easy for us humans to assume that we are capable of immediately ascertaining all the ins and outs of a situation; and then, we feel quite justified in offering our unsolicited expertise / opinions. But. Often, it's simply not that cut-and-dry. Often there are many factors that cannot be known "at first glance". To assume otherwise usually justs mucks up things and causes some uncomfortable moments.
*~*~*~*~*
Throughout the years, some people have assumed that stress is the cause of the seizures that I have had. Now. While it is true that stress can cause seizures in some people, it is not an across-the-board trigger; not everyone who experiences a seizure does so because of stress. Looking back on the past 26 years, I'm very confident that stress is not a seizure trigger with me. I know this because some of the most emotionally stressful times in my life have been seizure-free, plus some of the seizures I've had have throughout the years happened during incredibly peaceful and/or happy time periods. There ya go.
So! :)
When you ask me if I had a seizure because of stress and I indicate that stress isn't a seizure trigger for me, please, please, please do not noticeably disagree with me. By the way, can y'all imagine how stressful that type of conversation is? Ha!
*~*~*~*~*
How many of y'all have a physical "thing" that you deal with occasionally? C'mon. Raise your hands; don't be shy. I'll put my hand up. For me, that physical thing is a neurological disorder known as seizures. Now . . . for those of y'all that have raised your hands, how many of y'all like for people to make mention of that physical disorder, illness, etc. every time they speak to you?
Didjy'all just notice how quickly I put my hand down?
:)
May I just say right here and right now that I truly could happily live the rest of my days without ever being asked, "So, have you had a seizure recently?" (or, "When was the last time you had a seizure?")
Some of the sweetest people in my life feel that they have to ask me about seizures every time we have a conversation. I cringe when they do this. I know they are simply expressing their love and concern for me . . . I *know* this. I deeply appreciate that they do love me and that they care for me. But, I'd like to suggest that I am far more than just a seizure history. Ask me about Tex or our daughters or our grandbabies or any of our other family members. Ask me what I've created in my studio lately or what I think of the most current news item. Ask me anything; just please don't ask me for a recounting of when I last had a seizure if I haven't brought up the topic. Seizures do not define me; they are simply a pain in the patoot that I occasionaly have to deal with - and of which I have great hope that one day I will truly be seizure-free.
*~*~*~*~*
Here are a couple of tidbits that you may or may not know about seizures:
- Technically, I have epilepsy. Epilepsy is not a "cause" of seizures; it is simply an "umbrella" word for unexplained seizures; meaning there isn't a physiological reason for the seizure (i.e., diabetic seizures are not epileptic in nature because diabetic seizures are caused by diabetes). Oh, and while I technically have epilepsy, I do *not* consider myself to be an epileptic . . . I consider myself to be a human being. There ya go.
- Seizure-control via pharmeceuticals is not always possible. In fact, more than 30% of people who have epilepsy have seizures that cannot be controlled via anti-seizure drugs.
*~*~*~*~*
So. Do you have any questions regarding me and seizures? Please feel free to ask them here. I never mind questions; they're great learning tools. Truth be known, I'd much rather someone ask a question than make an assumption.
Thanks for reading, y'all!
Be blessed,
Sharmie
p.s. - One more thing, please . . . they are not "my" seizures. They are "the" seizures. Yep, semantics are important; most definitely. Want to read where I write the very same thing about 15 months ago? Click Here
"My next blog entry will deal specifically with how people have responded to me, seizure-wise . . . and likewise, my general, thoughts, feelings and outlooks to such responses. My hope is that I will be able to educate, explain and even encourage."
Click here to read Part 1.
*~*~*~*~*
The first thing that I want to mention in this particular blog post is that I know that the majority of people have my welfare at heart at regarding things they say to me about seizures. I *know* this.
Having said that . . .
:)
. . . I would like to address a few things that have come up over the years; things that people have asked, suggested or said regarding me and seizures.
Please and thank you.
:)
And, while these are my own personal thoughts regarding my own life, perhaps they will also resonate with someone else who has had similar experiences with seizures.
*~*~*~*~*
Most people who know me already know that I am a bit anti-pharmeceutical. "A bit" is actually more than an under-statement . . . I do not even take OTC drugs; not even aspirins and other similar type pills.
I am especially anti-pharmeceutical regarding anti-seizure drugs. Occasionally, this has proven to be quite baffling to various people in my life; even after I explain my reasonings. Simply put, in the past, I have tried *many* anti-seizure drugs, and the results were not at all satisfactory; and sometimes, such results were even completely unacceptable. Since I am the one who is going to have to experience the "side effects" *along with* the inefficacy of an anti-seizure drug, I figure I'm also the one who gets to decide whether or not I take such illustrious drug. So . . . if you disagree with me on this stance, please do not treat me condescendingly because of it and please do not roll your eyes at me, scold me, criticize me or do anything else that will convey to me your disapproval regarding this very personal decision.
Case in point: The lady that was asking me intake questions and taking my vitals at the ER the other day did this very thing. She actually pulled a Dr. Phil on me; and let me tell y'all, dear friends, it was not appreciated - not at all. After telling her that I had fallen because of a seizure, she then asked me which anti-seizure drug(s) I was currently taking. When I answered that I wasn't taking any of them, she looked me up and down, stared at my injured face and then said, "And, how's that working for you?" With the exception of that one instance, she was actually a very nice person. But. This very nice person didn't know me from Eve. She didn't know my case history regarding seizures and she certainly didn't know of my research or my personal experience with anti-seizure pharms. Nor did she know how very rare it is for me to incur an injury during a seizure (I can count on one hand, with digits to spare, the number of times I have seriously hurt myself because of a seizure).
I'd like to encourage y'all to remember this example. So often it's easy for us humans to assume that we are capable of immediately ascertaining all the ins and outs of a situation; and then, we feel quite justified in offering our unsolicited expertise / opinions. But. Often, it's simply not that cut-and-dry. Often there are many factors that cannot be known "at first glance". To assume otherwise usually justs mucks up things and causes some uncomfortable moments.
*~*~*~*~*
Throughout the years, some people have assumed that stress is the cause of the seizures that I have had. Now. While it is true that stress can cause seizures in some people, it is not an across-the-board trigger; not everyone who experiences a seizure does so because of stress. Looking back on the past 26 years, I'm very confident that stress is not a seizure trigger with me. I know this because some of the most emotionally stressful times in my life have been seizure-free, plus some of the seizures I've had have throughout the years happened during incredibly peaceful and/or happy time periods. There ya go.
So! :)
When you ask me if I had a seizure because of stress and I indicate that stress isn't a seizure trigger for me, please, please, please do not noticeably disagree with me. By the way, can y'all imagine how stressful that type of conversation is? Ha!
*~*~*~*~*
How many of y'all have a physical "thing" that you deal with occasionally? C'mon. Raise your hands; don't be shy. I'll put my hand up. For me, that physical thing is a neurological disorder known as seizures. Now . . . for those of y'all that have raised your hands, how many of y'all like for people to make mention of that physical disorder, illness, etc. every time they speak to you?
Didjy'all just notice how quickly I put my hand down?
:)
May I just say right here and right now that I truly could happily live the rest of my days without ever being asked, "So, have you had a seizure recently?" (or, "When was the last time you had a seizure?")
Some of the sweetest people in my life feel that they have to ask me about seizures every time we have a conversation. I cringe when they do this. I know they are simply expressing their love and concern for me . . . I *know* this. I deeply appreciate that they do love me and that they care for me. But, I'd like to suggest that I am far more than just a seizure history. Ask me about Tex or our daughters or our grandbabies or any of our other family members. Ask me what I've created in my studio lately or what I think of the most current news item. Ask me anything; just please don't ask me for a recounting of when I last had a seizure if I haven't brought up the topic. Seizures do not define me; they are simply a pain in the patoot that I occasionaly have to deal with - and of which I have great hope that one day I will truly be seizure-free.
*~*~*~*~*
Here are a couple of tidbits that you may or may not know about seizures:
- Technically, I have epilepsy. Epilepsy is not a "cause" of seizures; it is simply an "umbrella" word for unexplained seizures; meaning there isn't a physiological reason for the seizure (i.e., diabetic seizures are not epileptic in nature because diabetic seizures are caused by diabetes). Oh, and while I technically have epilepsy, I do *not* consider myself to be an epileptic . . . I consider myself to be a human being. There ya go.
- Seizure-control via pharmeceuticals is not always possible. In fact, more than 30% of people who have epilepsy have seizures that cannot be controlled via anti-seizure drugs.
*~*~*~*~*
So. Do you have any questions regarding me and seizures? Please feel free to ask them here. I never mind questions; they're great learning tools. Truth be known, I'd much rather someone ask a question than make an assumption.
Thanks for reading, y'all!
Be blessed,
Sharmie
p.s. - One more thing, please . . . they are not "my" seizures. They are "the" seizures. Yep, semantics are important; most definitely. Want to read where I write the very same thing about 15 months ago? Click Here
Me, Myself . . . and Seizures (Part 1)
If you are one of my Facebook friends, then you probably know that I had a seizure 8 days ago - and that during this particular seizure, or rather, during the fall occurring at the onset of the seizure, I incurred at least one orbital bone fracture (a scientific and pretty way of saying I cracked a bone in my face).
I don't always announce or discuss whenever I have a seizure; but the accompanying injury of last week's seizure made it a bit unique, so I posted a prayer request on Facebook about the whole thing. And, then of course, it's also hard to go out in public with major bruises and swellings interspersed all over one's half of their face without bringing even a tiny bit of attention to themself. Yesterday, while I was picking up mail at my mailing center, I also had a package to claim. Once I got up to the counter, I believe I so unnerved the young employee helping me that I literally had to tell him what he needed to do so I could receive my parcel . . . and the entire time, he was politely trying not to "look" at me while all the time also trying to "look without looking". There ya go.
*~*~*~*~*
One of the reasons that I don't always let people know when I have a seizure is that, well, frankly, it just seems a bit weird to me to make such an announcement . . . it's not the most pleasant of topics - at least, not for me. Another reason why I choose to not always speak about whenever I've had a seizure is, well, the things that people say to me in response to learning that I've had another seizure often can be "interesting". Well-meaning, but still "interesting", none-the-less. Ironically, some of the things that I hear spoken to me regarding seizures are somewhat common; "common" in that it's usually not the first time I've heard it and the person speaking it to me is usually not the first person to say it to me, neither.
The intent of this particular blog post is two-fold: to educate y'all on how a seizure affects me and to address some of the things that have been spoken to me over the past few days (and sometimes after other seizures, as well).
While I don't particularly find it necessary to publicly proclaim a seizure event every time one happens, I have found it important to educate people about seizures; either in-person or via the wonderful world of wide webness. Because of that, some of this blog post will already be familiar to some of y'all. Liken it to a good comedy routine, if you will - comediannes will perform the same act over and over. (BTW, does anyone else other than me find it strangely curious that I am comparing seizures to a comedy act? For what it's worth, the comparison was purely unintentional).
*~*~*~*~*
Having a Seizure and Recovering from Its After-Effects
The first seizure that I remember having was back in 1987. It was a nocturnal grand mal seizure; "nocturnal" meaning that it occurred while I was asleep and "grand mal" (or "tonic-clonic") describing the type of seizure it was. Grand mals are the kind of seizures that television shows and movies love to overly-dramatize. I cringe whenever I see a grand mal seizure being acted out; truly, I absolutely cringe.
From 1987 - 2000, all of the seizures that I had were nocturnal and grand mal. Then, one day in early 2000, it was as if a switch was thrown . . . I had a waking seizure; still a grand mal, but it occurred during my waking hours. For the past 13 years, all of the seizures have been waking seizures; and I would say well over 99.99% of them have also been grand mals.
Some people have auras (warnings that a seizure is going to occur). There are myriad types of auras; in fact, auras are pretty-much distinct from person-to-person. For me the auras are very brief and only give me about a 2-second warning before the seizure actually takes place. And, it's weird. Freaky-dejavu kind of weird. The auras I experience involve my "remembering" that whatever I'm doing (at the time of the aura) is actually a seizure trigger. The "memory" of course is false; as is the impending feeling that the action is a no-no. It doesn't matter what I am doing at the time of the aura; the aura takes that information and then tells my brain that whatever I am doing is actually a seizure trigger. There's a momentary sense of panic and then there's also a momentary "call to action" where I know that I need to do something. Usually, though, by that time, the seizure has already started - and I am thankfully, rendered unconcious. I'm not being facetious neither - a grand mal seizure is a violence against the body and there are merciful reasons as to why people are unconcious when experiencing one of them.
Now. The next thing I remember is waking up . . . usually in bed. But. Given that I have not had a seizure while in bed for the past 13 years, how I end up there pretty-much remains a mystery to me. I have never been able to remember the time period of a seizure beginning from the aura until when I wake up in bed. I like to think that angels are sent to minister to and take care of me during this time period. And yes, the vast majority of seizures that I have had have occurred while I've been by myself (or while I was among people, just not in their direct vision.)
There are actually a few "waking ups" after a seizure. The "first one" that I remember (as mentioned above) is probably actually "the second one", with regards to "coming to" after the seizure. But no matter, that particular waking up is also like a re-booting for me. It's then that I have to figure out the most basic of information; i.e, I have to discern who I am, where I am and even when I am - down to my age, and year. Often I'm unable to pinpoint the day, the month or even the season without help. I will also call Tex during this time-period and let him know that I have had a seizure. It amazes me that in all of the after-seizure fogginess that I experience at this point that I am able to even ascertain who Tex is and which phone number is his. After I re-boot, I pretty-much pass out again and will sleep anywhere from a few to several hours. When I wake up the next time, I will realize how very sore I am; especially in my arms, legs, back and neck. It will take a couple of days for me to be able to walk normally and without pain. It will probably also take a few days for me to be able to speak clearly, swallow comfortably and chew solid foods (I do a number on the inside of my mouth during a seizure - it's not fun).
Over the years, I have noticed a type of depression that occurs after a seizure. It usually begins the next day after a seizure; and it hits hard - and always unexpected . . . until I remember that this is "normal" for after a seizure. Ick. I have to fight very diligently against the depression. I can usually come out of it within a day or two; but going through the depression itself can feel almost staggering.
I attribute the depression to two things: (1) I believe that the majority of the depression is chemical in nature. Afterall, a seizure is simply a chemical misfiring within the brain. It stands to reason, then, that the chemical misfiring would cause a chemical upheaval and commotion, depression-wise. (2) I'm sure that a small fraction of the depression is emotional in nature. In all honesty, I abhor seizures. There's nothing at all that I like about them; and in the days following a seizure where I am still trying to overcome all of the after-effects, it can get a bit daunting and overwhelming. But. As much as I abhor seizure, I loathe pity-parties even more . . . and especially so when I'm the hostess of such a blowout. I simply do not see any value at all in pity-parties; I'd much rather focus on the vast number of things for which I can express gratitude . . . and if you know me well, then you know that I also like to encourage people to do the same in their own lives. Living a grateful life is much more meaningful and abundant than living an ungrateful life. There ya go.
*~*~*~*~*
I thought when I started this blog post that it would be one post and that would be that. But, alas . . . that will not be the case.
My next blog entry will deal specifically with how people have responded to me, seizure-wise . . . and likewise, my general, thoughts, feelings and outlooks to such responses. My hope is that I will be able to educate, explain and even encourage.
Thanks for reading!
And, as always, your comments and/or questions are certainly welcomed and appreciated.
Y'all be blessed,
Sharmie
I don't always announce or discuss whenever I have a seizure; but the accompanying injury of last week's seizure made it a bit unique, so I posted a prayer request on Facebook about the whole thing. And, then of course, it's also hard to go out in public with major bruises and swellings interspersed all over one's half of their face without bringing even a tiny bit of attention to themself. Yesterday, while I was picking up mail at my mailing center, I also had a package to claim. Once I got up to the counter, I believe I so unnerved the young employee helping me that I literally had to tell him what he needed to do so I could receive my parcel . . . and the entire time, he was politely trying not to "look" at me while all the time also trying to "look without looking". There ya go.
*~*~*~*~*
One of the reasons that I don't always let people know when I have a seizure is that, well, frankly, it just seems a bit weird to me to make such an announcement . . . it's not the most pleasant of topics - at least, not for me. Another reason why I choose to not always speak about whenever I've had a seizure is, well, the things that people say to me in response to learning that I've had another seizure often can be "interesting". Well-meaning, but still "interesting", none-the-less. Ironically, some of the things that I hear spoken to me regarding seizures are somewhat common; "common" in that it's usually not the first time I've heard it and the person speaking it to me is usually not the first person to say it to me, neither.
The intent of this particular blog post is two-fold: to educate y'all on how a seizure affects me and to address some of the things that have been spoken to me over the past few days (and sometimes after other seizures, as well).
While I don't particularly find it necessary to publicly proclaim a seizure event every time one happens, I have found it important to educate people about seizures; either in-person or via the wonderful world of wide webness. Because of that, some of this blog post will already be familiar to some of y'all. Liken it to a good comedy routine, if you will - comediannes will perform the same act over and over. (BTW, does anyone else other than me find it strangely curious that I am comparing seizures to a comedy act? For what it's worth, the comparison was purely unintentional).
*~*~*~*~*
Having a Seizure and Recovering from Its After-Effects
The first seizure that I remember having was back in 1987. It was a nocturnal grand mal seizure; "nocturnal" meaning that it occurred while I was asleep and "grand mal" (or "tonic-clonic") describing the type of seizure it was. Grand mals are the kind of seizures that television shows and movies love to overly-dramatize. I cringe whenever I see a grand mal seizure being acted out; truly, I absolutely cringe.
From 1987 - 2000, all of the seizures that I had were nocturnal and grand mal. Then, one day in early 2000, it was as if a switch was thrown . . . I had a waking seizure; still a grand mal, but it occurred during my waking hours. For the past 13 years, all of the seizures have been waking seizures; and I would say well over 99.99% of them have also been grand mals.
Some people have auras (warnings that a seizure is going to occur). There are myriad types of auras; in fact, auras are pretty-much distinct from person-to-person. For me the auras are very brief and only give me about a 2-second warning before the seizure actually takes place. And, it's weird. Freaky-dejavu kind of weird. The auras I experience involve my "remembering" that whatever I'm doing (at the time of the aura) is actually a seizure trigger. The "memory" of course is false; as is the impending feeling that the action is a no-no. It doesn't matter what I am doing at the time of the aura; the aura takes that information and then tells my brain that whatever I am doing is actually a seizure trigger. There's a momentary sense of panic and then there's also a momentary "call to action" where I know that I need to do something. Usually, though, by that time, the seizure has already started - and I am thankfully, rendered unconcious. I'm not being facetious neither - a grand mal seizure is a violence against the body and there are merciful reasons as to why people are unconcious when experiencing one of them.
Now. The next thing I remember is waking up . . . usually in bed. But. Given that I have not had a seizure while in bed for the past 13 years, how I end up there pretty-much remains a mystery to me. I have never been able to remember the time period of a seizure beginning from the aura until when I wake up in bed. I like to think that angels are sent to minister to and take care of me during this time period. And yes, the vast majority of seizures that I have had have occurred while I've been by myself (or while I was among people, just not in their direct vision.)
There are actually a few "waking ups" after a seizure. The "first one" that I remember (as mentioned above) is probably actually "the second one", with regards to "coming to" after the seizure. But no matter, that particular waking up is also like a re-booting for me. It's then that I have to figure out the most basic of information; i.e, I have to discern who I am, where I am and even when I am - down to my age, and year. Often I'm unable to pinpoint the day, the month or even the season without help. I will also call Tex during this time-period and let him know that I have had a seizure. It amazes me that in all of the after-seizure fogginess that I experience at this point that I am able to even ascertain who Tex is and which phone number is his. After I re-boot, I pretty-much pass out again and will sleep anywhere from a few to several hours. When I wake up the next time, I will realize how very sore I am; especially in my arms, legs, back and neck. It will take a couple of days for me to be able to walk normally and without pain. It will probably also take a few days for me to be able to speak clearly, swallow comfortably and chew solid foods (I do a number on the inside of my mouth during a seizure - it's not fun).
Over the years, I have noticed a type of depression that occurs after a seizure. It usually begins the next day after a seizure; and it hits hard - and always unexpected . . . until I remember that this is "normal" for after a seizure. Ick. I have to fight very diligently against the depression. I can usually come out of it within a day or two; but going through the depression itself can feel almost staggering.
I attribute the depression to two things: (1) I believe that the majority of the depression is chemical in nature. Afterall, a seizure is simply a chemical misfiring within the brain. It stands to reason, then, that the chemical misfiring would cause a chemical upheaval and commotion, depression-wise. (2) I'm sure that a small fraction of the depression is emotional in nature. In all honesty, I abhor seizures. There's nothing at all that I like about them; and in the days following a seizure where I am still trying to overcome all of the after-effects, it can get a bit daunting and overwhelming. But. As much as I abhor seizure, I loathe pity-parties even more . . . and especially so when I'm the hostess of such a blowout. I simply do not see any value at all in pity-parties; I'd much rather focus on the vast number of things for which I can express gratitude . . . and if you know me well, then you know that I also like to encourage people to do the same in their own lives. Living a grateful life is much more meaningful and abundant than living an ungrateful life. There ya go.
*~*~*~*~*
I thought when I started this blog post that it would be one post and that would be that. But, alas . . . that will not be the case.
My next blog entry will deal specifically with how people have responded to me, seizure-wise . . . and likewise, my general, thoughts, feelings and outlooks to such responses. My hope is that I will be able to educate, explain and even encourage.
Thanks for reading!
And, as always, your comments and/or questions are certainly welcomed and appreciated.
Y'all be blessed,
Sharmie
Monday, July 1, 2013
The Living Years
"I wasn't there that morning when my father passed away
I didn't get to tell him all the things I had to say." (from, "The Living Years", Mike + The Mechanics)
Last week brought the 23rd anniversary of my father's death.
I remember that I was at work when I got the news. Suddenly, I was left to make decisions that I had never really seriously considered prior to that. Funeral arrangements had to be made, along with other tasks that usually follows the death of a loved one. I was 26. In light of the responsibilities that I encountered at that time, that seems so young to me now - such a long time ago; and in other ways, almost as if it were yesterday. Time's a funny thing, doncha know.
As the song says, I didn't get to tell my dad all the things I had to say to him.
BUT. The blessing that will forever be a blessing is that we had started down that path of trying to understand each other. We both had made conscious, determined efforts to come together again; and we had begun that journey about a year prior to his death. I've always recgonized this as such a tremendous blessing. In fact, if I may . . . while the coroner, the police and I were in the house with Dad, with neigbors milling around in the yard, I remember silently thanking Our Lord that Dad and I had mended our relationship with each other before he died.
My mother had died 16 years prior to my dad's death. I was 10. One very poignant memory for me surrounding that time was, while still in church at my mother's funeral mass, the priest leaned over to say something to me as I sat in the pew. He whispered to me that it was ok to cry; that I didn't have to hold the tears in. It was then that I quickly learned that people were expecting me to be sad. But. I wasn't sad. I was worried for my father. Even though he was publicly putting on a brave, stoic face, his grief was so very evident to me. But, for me personally, I felt no grief, no sadness; only relief. Finally, her abuse towards me had come to an end; she would never be able to hurt me again.
So many life-shaping events happened in the time frame between both of my parents' deaths; too much to even try to relate here in this one particular blog post.
Both of my parents were alcoholics. Drinking simply was something that had always been around me; even from my earliest memories. I don't know this for certain; but I suspect that they were both heavy drinkers even before they first met . . . which, was about 15-18 years prior to when I came along (they were actually my grandparents; they adopted me when I was an infant).
While I was growing up, they were "functioning alcoholics"; I imagine that no one really ever suspected the amount of alcohol being consumed at our house. And speaking of the house, we lived in a nice middle class house, out in the country. The bills were paid, the clothes were clean, the house was tidy, there was food in the fridge, two vehicles in the driveway and always a dog playing in the yard, along with chickens, rabbits, a goat and a garden. Who could have known that things weren't really as they appeared?
After my mother died, Dad and I were left with each other. Neither one of us did very well in that regard. He became more and more immersed in the bottle, and I responded to that in myriad ways; none of them being very good choices, some of them being extremely unwise.
We both were living reactionary lives. Even my mother had lived a reactionary life. Growing up being abused herself, she then became the abuser. Children live what they learn. This can be good or not. Regarding the not so good, when left unexamined, the children then grow up to repeat what they learned as a child.
On the other side of things, my father had a long, successful military career. He was a fighter pilot in 3 wars (WWII, Korea & Vietanam) and had also been decorated. He retired from the Navy as Lieutenant Commander. After he retired, he continued to teach flight training to new, up-and-coming Naval pilots.
I also know that one of the reasons why he chose to drink was to drown out the horrors of those wars. The dichotomy of it all.
Our own relationship with each was also such a paradox. During my teenage years, he and I had a very tumultuous relationship with each other; and it truly is a wonder that we hung in there with each other. But. The one thing I always knew about my dad was that he would never physically hurt me; and for me, that was a rarity.
Earlier, above, I alluded to the importance of living an examined life. When I entered my 20's, I knew I was seriously in need of some very intense life scrutiny on my part. I asked my dad to pay for counseling sessions, which he did. Actually, I very sanctimoniously demanded that he foot the counseling bills, and also sharply accused him that he was one of the reasons why I needed counseling in the first place.. Sigh. The arrogance of it all. While I spoke the truth, it was nowhere near kind nor gracious.
But. That was the beginning of our being able to come together, to forgive each other and to realize that we truly did love each other.
About a year prior to his death, I asked Dad to come to one of the counseling appointments with me. It was then and there that I told him of the physical abuse from my mother and from various other people as well. It was then that I also revealed the sexual abuse I had endured as a toddler from "trusted" male babysitters.
And. He believed me.
While everything I told him was true, I still wasn't certain he would be willing to accept it as being true. But, he did. I don't think I'll ever be able to express just exactly what that meant to me.
*~*~*~*~*
"I wasn't there that morning when my father passed away
I didn't get to tell him all the things I had to say."
I told my dad many things while he was alive. Boy, did he get an earful - and then some. He heard my anger and my disgust. He heard my disrespect and my vehemence.
Thankfully, later on (during the year before he died) he also heard how much I loved him and how very thankful I was that he never gave up on me.
My mother was, in reality, my maternal grandmother; but Dad and I weren't even blood relatives. He was actually my step grandfather - my maternal grandmother's second husband. He adopted me, he raised me . . . AND he loved me - as his very own. And when things got tough between us, he was still my dad.
What I wish I would have also told Dad was how proud I was of him; flaws and all. I never told him that. I can only hope that Our Lord conveyed it to him before he died.
*~*~*~*~*
That year before he died . . . there was much reconcilliation and forgiveness between the two of us. 1989 is truly one of my most cherished years; it was the year that Dad and I started really reaching out to each other again.
And, just to let y'all know, I have also been able to forgive not only my mother but all the other people who had hurt me in one way or another when I was growing up. How can I not forgive them? For you see, I, they, all of us . . . we all make mistakes; sometimes very grievious ones at that. But. When we look beyond the surface and try to truly see someone, we often learn so very much. To hold onto bitterness and hurt does no one any good; not them and certainly not us. Forgiveness, on the other hand, can open doors to tremendous peace, joy and love; truly it can.
Thanks for reading y'all;,
Sharmie
*~*~*~*~*
p.s. - I hadn't planned on writing about Dad's death anniversary this year - life truly is for the living, afterall. I do automatically remember the date; it's just part of who I am . . . but I remember with a happy heart, not a sad one.
While zooming through YouTube this morning, I came upon, "The Living Years". The year that Dad died, this song was burning up the radio waves. It soon became intricately connected with Dad's death . . . to this day, the two are one. It also became a wonderful "safe place" for me while grieving and healing from his passing.
Please listen to the words of this song; they are so very powerful and can be applied to any relationship.
Y'all be most abundantly blessed!
"The Living Years" (Mike + The Mechanics)
I didn't get to tell him all the things I had to say." (from, "The Living Years", Mike + The Mechanics)
Last week brought the 23rd anniversary of my father's death.
I remember that I was at work when I got the news. Suddenly, I was left to make decisions that I had never really seriously considered prior to that. Funeral arrangements had to be made, along with other tasks that usually follows the death of a loved one. I was 26. In light of the responsibilities that I encountered at that time, that seems so young to me now - such a long time ago; and in other ways, almost as if it were yesterday. Time's a funny thing, doncha know.
As the song says, I didn't get to tell my dad all the things I had to say to him.
BUT. The blessing that will forever be a blessing is that we had started down that path of trying to understand each other. We both had made conscious, determined efforts to come together again; and we had begun that journey about a year prior to his death. I've always recgonized this as such a tremendous blessing. In fact, if I may . . . while the coroner, the police and I were in the house with Dad, with neigbors milling around in the yard, I remember silently thanking Our Lord that Dad and I had mended our relationship with each other before he died.
My mother had died 16 years prior to my dad's death. I was 10. One very poignant memory for me surrounding that time was, while still in church at my mother's funeral mass, the priest leaned over to say something to me as I sat in the pew. He whispered to me that it was ok to cry; that I didn't have to hold the tears in. It was then that I quickly learned that people were expecting me to be sad. But. I wasn't sad. I was worried for my father. Even though he was publicly putting on a brave, stoic face, his grief was so very evident to me. But, for me personally, I felt no grief, no sadness; only relief. Finally, her abuse towards me had come to an end; she would never be able to hurt me again.
So many life-shaping events happened in the time frame between both of my parents' deaths; too much to even try to relate here in this one particular blog post.
Both of my parents were alcoholics. Drinking simply was something that had always been around me; even from my earliest memories. I don't know this for certain; but I suspect that they were both heavy drinkers even before they first met . . . which, was about 15-18 years prior to when I came along (they were actually my grandparents; they adopted me when I was an infant).
While I was growing up, they were "functioning alcoholics"; I imagine that no one really ever suspected the amount of alcohol being consumed at our house. And speaking of the house, we lived in a nice middle class house, out in the country. The bills were paid, the clothes were clean, the house was tidy, there was food in the fridge, two vehicles in the driveway and always a dog playing in the yard, along with chickens, rabbits, a goat and a garden. Who could have known that things weren't really as they appeared?
After my mother died, Dad and I were left with each other. Neither one of us did very well in that regard. He became more and more immersed in the bottle, and I responded to that in myriad ways; none of them being very good choices, some of them being extremely unwise.
We both were living reactionary lives. Even my mother had lived a reactionary life. Growing up being abused herself, she then became the abuser. Children live what they learn. This can be good or not. Regarding the not so good, when left unexamined, the children then grow up to repeat what they learned as a child.
On the other side of things, my father had a long, successful military career. He was a fighter pilot in 3 wars (WWII, Korea & Vietanam) and had also been decorated. He retired from the Navy as Lieutenant Commander. After he retired, he continued to teach flight training to new, up-and-coming Naval pilots.
I also know that one of the reasons why he chose to drink was to drown out the horrors of those wars. The dichotomy of it all.
Our own relationship with each was also such a paradox. During my teenage years, he and I had a very tumultuous relationship with each other; and it truly is a wonder that we hung in there with each other. But. The one thing I always knew about my dad was that he would never physically hurt me; and for me, that was a rarity.
Earlier, above, I alluded to the importance of living an examined life. When I entered my 20's, I knew I was seriously in need of some very intense life scrutiny on my part. I asked my dad to pay for counseling sessions, which he did. Actually, I very sanctimoniously demanded that he foot the counseling bills, and also sharply accused him that he was one of the reasons why I needed counseling in the first place.. Sigh. The arrogance of it all. While I spoke the truth, it was nowhere near kind nor gracious.
But. That was the beginning of our being able to come together, to forgive each other and to realize that we truly did love each other.
About a year prior to his death, I asked Dad to come to one of the counseling appointments with me. It was then and there that I told him of the physical abuse from my mother and from various other people as well. It was then that I also revealed the sexual abuse I had endured as a toddler from "trusted" male babysitters.
And. He believed me.
While everything I told him was true, I still wasn't certain he would be willing to accept it as being true. But, he did. I don't think I'll ever be able to express just exactly what that meant to me.
*~*~*~*~*
"I wasn't there that morning when my father passed away
I didn't get to tell him all the things I had to say."
I told my dad many things while he was alive. Boy, did he get an earful - and then some. He heard my anger and my disgust. He heard my disrespect and my vehemence.
Thankfully, later on (during the year before he died) he also heard how much I loved him and how very thankful I was that he never gave up on me.
My mother was, in reality, my maternal grandmother; but Dad and I weren't even blood relatives. He was actually my step grandfather - my maternal grandmother's second husband. He adopted me, he raised me . . . AND he loved me - as his very own. And when things got tough between us, he was still my dad.
What I wish I would have also told Dad was how proud I was of him; flaws and all. I never told him that. I can only hope that Our Lord conveyed it to him before he died.
*~*~*~*~*
That year before he died . . . there was much reconcilliation and forgiveness between the two of us. 1989 is truly one of my most cherished years; it was the year that Dad and I started really reaching out to each other again.
And, just to let y'all know, I have also been able to forgive not only my mother but all the other people who had hurt me in one way or another when I was growing up. How can I not forgive them? For you see, I, they, all of us . . . we all make mistakes; sometimes very grievious ones at that. But. When we look beyond the surface and try to truly see someone, we often learn so very much. To hold onto bitterness and hurt does no one any good; not them and certainly not us. Forgiveness, on the other hand, can open doors to tremendous peace, joy and love; truly it can.
Thanks for reading y'all;,
Sharmie
*~*~*~*~*
p.s. - I hadn't planned on writing about Dad's death anniversary this year - life truly is for the living, afterall. I do automatically remember the date; it's just part of who I am . . . but I remember with a happy heart, not a sad one.
While zooming through YouTube this morning, I came upon, "The Living Years". The year that Dad died, this song was burning up the radio waves. It soon became intricately connected with Dad's death . . . to this day, the two are one. It also became a wonderful "safe place" for me while grieving and healing from his passing.
Please listen to the words of this song; they are so very powerful and can be applied to any relationship.
Y'all be most abundantly blessed!
"The Living Years" (Mike + The Mechanics)
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